I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
