Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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