The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
