All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
