new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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