i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm always down for nudity.
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