why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
