Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
