so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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