So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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