Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
