We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
