He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
