On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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