i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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