if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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