woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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