I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
