And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
