i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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