I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
