If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
