a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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