hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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