I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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