My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
