Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
