Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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