I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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