My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
