I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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