Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
