The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
