It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
