I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
