How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
