dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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