omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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