Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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