yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
