I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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