I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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