At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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