Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
