I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
