When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
