we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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