I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
