Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
