honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
