I smell stomach acid.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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