ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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