jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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