Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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