I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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