There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
