That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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