woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
