i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
