What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
