Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
