In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
