i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
