i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
