don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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