I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
