Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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