I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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