You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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