you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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