Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
