he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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