I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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