I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
