I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They have beer where we have blood.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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